In my previous post, I spoke about the five best things about being a sex worker. Like all jobs, there are always negatives or aspects of it that you don't enjoy so much. In this post, I will be talking about my five least favourite things about being a private escort.
1. Stigma- The most difficult people I deal with as a Sex Worker aren't my coworkers nor my clients- it's actually the people outside of the industry who look down on us. I will admit, before my escorting days, I too believed that Sex Workers were a lower form of society. I came from a conservative middle class family and I naively believed that sex work is where you end up when you are hooked on drugs, desperate for money or have been captured and forced to work by a pimp. While there is a minority who do fit the typical stereotype, the majority of sex workers in Australia are actually very normal human beings. I certainly do not fit the stereotype- I am intelligent, introverted, motivated, do not take drugs/smoke and I only drink socially. Since becoming involved in this industry, I now question way I previously judge people of an industry, race or class. Rather than making a quick judgement about someone, I will have a conversation and ask them questions. A little fun fact to start you off: despite being a 'sex worker', sometimes I have bookings that have zero sex! And just because a man is paying me, it does not grant him control of my body. Everything is consensual and mutually enjoyable. Some of the people I have met through this job- both escorts and clients- have been the most interesting and inspiring people that I would not have met otherwise. I understand that when I signed up to this 'job', that I was also going to be signing up to a life of unjust and misunderstanding. Until this changes, if I know I am doing it for the right reason and I am happy- then I don't really care about what others say or think of me.
2. Bad Clients- What exactly makes a bad client? Sex worker etiquette is something that all clients should read up on before contacting an escort. I will be writing a blog post about this, but in short- just don't be a c*nt. It's really that easy, but somehow it is so hard... The classic time waster is the epitome of bad clients. These are generally clients who try to act as though they are interested in seeing you, will then engage in a conversation with you (usually with sexy talk) and may even try to get some photos from you, but never actually intend to book you. There are also the time wasters that book you, but never show and ghost you or come up with a million excuses ('Oh Aunt Bessie is in hospital, but I promise I can do tomorrow'... yeah, right). When I first started escorting, I fell into a few classic time wasting traps (some guys are very good at disguising their motives) and lost a fair bit of time and money (hotel fees, Ubers etc). Unfortunately this is something every sex workers experiences, and is why many girls need to take deposits. Some other things that make a bad client is not having the correct money, not providing enough booking details in the initial text message or email, not taking a proper shower or having smelly breath, asking for free dates and hanging around her apartment like a bad fart (not leaving when it's time to leave).
3. Body Image- I may have a rocking personality, but we all know that at the end of the day- men are only really seeing me for bum and boobs. I know I spoke about the overall positive affect sex work has had on my body confidence, but there are a few negatives too. This industry relies heavily on your looks, and I feel I have become a lot more self conscious about this; trying to make myself look prettier so I can attract more clients. I have always been in male dominated industries and hobbies and my appearance is never something I paid much attention to, but when I am bombarded with images of girls with tiny waists, shapely breasts, well maintained hair and wrinkle free skin it definitely makes me feel more insecure about what I have. Many women are under pressure to achieve the classic 'porn star' body, which we have been conditioned into thinking is sexy. Age is another important factor that clients consider when booking an escort, so the younger she can appear, the more clients may book her. A lot of escorts undergo cosmetic enhancements such as botox, fillers and permanent surgery to achieve this look, but can be very harmful for a women's mental health and can also pose serious health risks. Personally, I think all women look beautiful in their natural form. I also think the human body is incredibly agile and should loved and enjoyed, not preserved and hated.
4. Safety- One of the biggest concerns I had when entering this industry, and still to this day is my safety. When you open that door and let a stranger into your room, you don't know who he is and what he may do to you. It's just you and him, and if something bad happened- how will you manage the situation? My worst fear is being trapped in a room with a violent client. I always have a security close by that checks in on me after the booking is supposed to end, but what if I can't access my phone? There are risks in every industry, but it's about how you manage those risks that determine how they impact your safety. I have several protocols that I use when screening new clients. There are escort databases, coworker verifications, but most of the time- you just need to rely heavily on intuition. I personally am grateful that I haven't been in a dangerous situation but I am also very selective of my clients and will only allow a booking if I am 99.99% sure they are genuine. I know that this is not the case for everyone, and may not always be the case for me.
Love Life- This kind of relates to stigma. I personally believe that you can deeply be in love someone and have sex with someone else for pure physical enjoyment. I do not believe that love and sex are bound together. I tell this to my married clients who feel guilty for seeing escorts and they relate. I understand that my opinion is controversial and not the 'norm' which is unfortunately why so many sex workers are perceived as 'undatable'. Our choice is either to work or to date. We simply can't have both. I have already been faced with this dilemma a few times since entering this industry. I know that I am probably delaying milestones, but that is one of the many prices you pay for being an escort. I know that there are a minority of escorts who have partners who are more understanding of the separation between having sex for love and sex for work, but the majority of men out there don't understand. Even after leaving the industry, we carry the stigma with us for life. Either we hide our past from potential partners or we open up about it, knowing that it could cause them to disgust you (even though their sleazy bar and tinder hookups is perfectly fine). It's a pretty tough predicament but again, it's just another price you pay for being an escort.
In essence, there are positives and negatives about being a sex worker. Just like any other job. There are days where I enjoy every moment, other days where I just can't be f*cked. Overall, the pros have definitely outweighed the cons, otherwise I would not be doing this.