When I first started out as a Private Escort, I expected all my clients to ask for experiences that were entirely about them. Sometimes that is the way, and as I mentioned in my previous blog 'Why Men Pay For Sex', it's also perfectly acceptable when seeing an Escort. Interestingly, one of the most common questions I get asked during bookings is 'what can I do to make you feel good?' I even have some dudes who book me for the sole reason of teaching them to navigate a woman's body better. In this blog, I aim to give some tips on how to give your lady a better experience in the bedroom.
Communication is Key
One of the main reasons I prefer Sex Work over 'real world' hook-ups is because the transparency of both the Client's desires and the Escort's boundaries. Before every booking, there is a discussion about the specific experiences the client is wanting to get out of the session (from lingerie and outfit preferences to fantasies and sexual services), so neither of us are heading into it blind. From the get-go, a solid foundation of open communication is already laid out, so the Client and I are a lot more comfortable at giving feedback along the way.
I won't beat around the 'bush' here. As the owner of a vagina, I will admit that they are incredibly confusing. I remember when I hit puberty, trying to insert my first tampon, I sat down in front of a mirror, opened my legs and examined at all the folds thinking 'where the fuck does this even go??' After prodding around a bit, I'm pretty sure I gave up and just used a pad. We even need a team of bloody scientists to figure out if the G spot even exists. Anyway, you get the point.
Everybody (both men and women) feel pleasure in different ways. There's no one size fits all approach to pleasing someone. There is almost an expectation in our society to be born with skills on how to 'do the sex'. But they key problem is- I don't have a penis and my clients don't own a vagina (groundbreaking- I know!), so the only way we can truly know what the other enjoy's is by giving each other feedback. Don't be afraid to ask your partner what she likes, how she wants to be touched or if something is hurting her (she may not always speak up). Even as an Escort, it's assumed that I am an expert of pleasure giving. While men are a lot simpler than women, I am still far from it. Every client is very unique and I feel like I have to learn a whole knew set of skills with each one. No matter how experienced you are, you should never feel demasculinized to ask her what she likes.
Porn is Entertainment, Not Education
Mainstream porn has basically taught us that women should be dripping wet at the mere sight of an erect penis. She clearly doesn't require any foreplay. The amount of male partners who have been determined to make me squirt and proceed by doing so with the classic finger-banging-bruising-of-my-cervix technique and wonder why I am instead, wincing in tears. Women aren't the only victims here. Men are expected to be able to produce a rock hard erection with their nine inch penises. They should be able to f*ck for an indefinite period of time and ejaculate on command.
I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you that Porn is fake- and it's made by men for men. Porn actresses get paid big dollar to pretend as though they are enjoying things (that are usually degrading and probably painful) that men would like to see done to them. Shocking, I know.
As I said earlier, there is an expectation for us to be born knowing how to give mind-blowing sex, and it's only natural for us to turn to the Internet to fill in these gaps in our knowledge. Learning how to pleasure a woman from watching Porn is no different from learning how to drag race by watching Fast and the Furious. The best way to become a better lover is by letting her teach you, not the Porn directors.
Just a Little Patience
When it comes to orgasms, men are like microwaves but women are like ovens. More often than not, men need to hold back their orgasm but women take a while to warm up. A lot of guys expect women to orgasm on command (probably another dig at mainstream Porn), and I've often been told to 'cum now' during sex, like giving a command to a dog. As soon as we feel under pressure, it's probably not going to happen. And then we may even fake it.
Be patient and try to make her feel relaxed. I love playing with ambience during my lovemaking sessions, such as the music, room scents and lighting. Make sure you have both showered before getting between the sheets. There is nothing worse than going down on a lover who has a smelly 'hoo haa' and it certainly won't make you want to stay down there. We live in a society where we expect everything to happen instantly, but it's important to have take a slow breath and enjoy the moment. The more relaxed she feels, the better the experience will be for both of you.
I hope this helped you understand women a bit more. I think the most important thing to remember is to be open minded, communicate and understand that there is no 'one size fits all' approach to pleasing your lover. If you have any tips that have worked for you, feel free to share them in the comments.